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Don’t question your MOTHERS INSTINCT!

It was one of the worst days I have ever experienced.  If I said I wasn’t traumatized by it I would be lying.  In my 23 years of parenting, I had never experienced something this horrible.

Kenzie had been struggling.  She was fighting dehydration daily because she just wouldn't drink enough.  She had continuous stomach issues.  So off to the ER we went.  She was admitted for dehydration, testing positive for 2 viruses, and intestinal blockage. YIKES. That was a lot to take but we got through it.  Our hospital stay felt long, but she was finally discharged and sent home with an NG tube to have for additional hydration.  This way we weren’t in the ER so much for IV fluids.

We arrived home at 11pm that night, went right to bed and enjoyed our next morning playing in the play room.  Kenzie was so happy to play with her toys and crawl around the floor.  She didn’t like the tube in her nose, but was adjusting.  After not eating or drinking much for lunch, she received her tube feed, and I took her up for her nap.  Knowing we had just spent 10 days in the hospital, I knew her “routine” was off and that she would be upset when I put her down.  So when I put her in her crib, she fussed, and I hid behind the bed.  I felt like I didn’t want to be far if she was really upset.


She continued to fuss.  But she was making strange sounds.  Kind of like a silent screaming sound, and that gasping sound when babies are so hysterical.  I ran over there and when I looked down at Kenzie I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.  She looked blue.  Her lips were blue.  Here legs were blue.  Here hands were blue. But she was crying. She was breathing.  I scooped her up and took her to the window where I could see her in the daylight.  I began to panic. I didn’t know what to do first.

I should have called 911 first.  But I didn’t!  My instincts told me that if she is blue, I need it pull the tube out. Maybe it had caused obstruction to her airway or punctured a lung.  I pulled the tube as fast as I could.  As soon as I did, her hand color began to come back.  She began to scream louder and sounding as if she was in so much pain. Her lip color turned from navy blue to purple/

I called my husband at work and showed him a video of her, and then I called my sister to come right over.  THEN ... I called 911.

I learned my lesson.  ALWAYS CALL 911 first!

My sister arrived just before the firefighters and paramedics. What felt like an eternity for them to get to me was only about 4 minutes. But 4 of the longest minutes of my life.

They examined her heart and lungs, started her on oxygen right away because her stats were extremely low. Her legs were the only part of her body that remained blue while they gave her oxygen. Her color came back right


At that point they began to prep her for an ambulance ride to the nearest children’s hospital, however all of her specialists and where she had just been staying for the past 10 days was at PCH. So they decided to monitor her and give her enough oxygen to feel comfortable allowing me to drive her to PCH with my sister sitting next to her in the back. They contemplated following me there, but felt ok sending us.

We arrived back at PCH (after having been discharged 13 hours prior. She was immediately admitted. There we stayed for the next 16 days.

At that time, Kenzie had only been home from Ukraine for 6 months. We spent our first 1st Mother’s Day together in the hospital.  We became as comfortable as anyone can in a hospital room, established routines, enjoyed the freshly made food, and watched a LOT of Frozen, Cars, and Greys

May 18th, Kenzie was discharged once again. She was sent home after being closely monitored for over 2 weeks. And having stayed in the hospital 10 days prior to that. 26 days total!

It’s so hard to know what you will do in a panic situation. It’s something you can never plan for. And it took me a long time to stop thinking about the “WHAT IFS” ...

WHAT IF I hadn’t stayed until the bedroom when I put her down to nap?

WHAT IF I hadn’t gone over to her when she was crying and not wanting to nap?

WHAT IF I hadn’t pulled the tube out in time?

WHAT IF she had stopped breathing?

WHAT IF I had left the tube in until the paramedics arrived?

It’s hard to move forward and forget trauma, and it’s emotional for me looking back at these pictures. But I look at Kenzie now and I count my blessing every day.  She totally amazes me and I am so thankful to be her mommy!